


Another Useless Groupchat Fic

by d0ntyouforgetaboutme



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, a lot of swearing, and sex jokes, i’m sorry lin, this is purely self indulgent, this is why we can’t have nice things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-03
Updated: 2019-10-11
Packaged: 2020-06-03 06:36:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 5,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19458412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/d0ntyouforgetaboutme/pseuds/d0ntyouforgetaboutme
Summary: A completely self indulgent groupchat fic that I’ve been writing. I’ll continue if people actually like it lol





	1. Washette

**Author's Note:**

> daaamnilton- Alex  
> lafayeet- Lafayette  
> ponyboy- Mulligan  
> turtletwink- Laurens  
> washingmachine- Washington  
> angelicaaaa- Angelica  
> elizaaaaa- Eliza  
> andpeggy- Peggy  
> burrsir- Burr  
> mrmacaroni- Jefferson  
> madasahatter- Madison

turtletwink- yo what’s everyone doing tonight  
daaamnilton- I’m going to meet with Washigton later  
lafayeet- going to see Daddy? ;)  
daaamnilton- fuck off Laf  
daaamnilton- It’s obviously for work  
turtletwink- don’t worry, i keep him happy, he doesn’t need to see wash for that ;)  
elizaaaaa- Things I did not expect to see when I opened my phone ^^  
angelicaaaa- gross  
angelicaaaa- It’s my lunch break, I’m trying to fucking eat here  
daaamnilton- John, please  
ponyboy- laf’s just jealous someone else has washington’s attention ;)))  
daaamnilton- wait what  
angelicaaaa- what  
daaamnilton- Laf likes Washington???  
elizaaaaa- wtf laf  
turtletwink- washington & laf?  
lafayeet- FUCK YOU HERCULES  
turtletwink- weird but i ship it  
ponyboy- i am only stating facts, my dear frenchman  
burrsir- What the hell  
daaamnilton- lmao I forgot Burr was here  
elizaaaaa- Same  
angelicaaaa- Same  
turtletwink- Same  
burrsir- >:(  
angelicaaaa- let’s add wash  
lafayeet- I feel so betrayed  
elizaaaaa- let’s  
ponyboy- Good idea Ang  
lafayeet- NO  
daaamnilton- Yes  
turtletwink- yes  
lafayeet- DO. NOT.  
daaamnilton- Why not?  
lafayeet- you fuckers are going to make it so awkward  
ponyboy- lol yeah we are  
lafayeet- Any chances of George liking me back will be ruined!!  
angelicaaaa- You’re acting like a teenage girl calm your baguette

-ponyboy has added washingmachine to the chat-

ponyboy- Welcome to the group chat Wash!  
washingmachine- Hi?  
daaamnilton- Hi  
elizaaaaa- Hi!  
angelicaaaa- hey  
turtletwink- Heyyyy  
washingmachine- Why am I here?  
daaamnilton- Why not?  
angelicaaaa- come say hi laf  
washingmachine- Gilbert?  
lafayeet- hi  
washingmachine- I didn’t realize you were in this chat :)  
burrsir- I am too  
washingmachine- Hello Aaron  
turtletwink- awww laf gets a smiley  
daaamnilton- Aww  
ponyboy- ;))))  
washingmachine- I am confused  
angelicaaaa- why tf do you put so many chins with your winky faces herc  
ponyboy- why tf do you have so many a’s in your name  
turtletwink- daaamnnn herc go off  
elizaaaaa- go OFF herc  
daaamnilton- shots fired  
washingmachine- I do not understand this  
elizaaaaa- Hercules is a sassy little shit  
ponyboy- Everyone in this chat is a sassy little shit  
turtletwink- tru  
burrsir- alright since none of y’all will do it and you keep blowing up my phone, Wash and Lafayette should date  
burrsir- Wash, take him out for lunch  
ponyboy- AARON FUCKING BURR  
daaamnilton- Jesus Burr  
angelicaaaa- we were getting there!  
washingmachine- I do not like cursing  
washingmachine- Gilbert?  
lafayeet- Yes?  
turtletwink- *grabs popcorn*  
washingmachine- Would you like to go get lunch?  
lafayeet- Yes  
washingmachine- :)  
elizaaaaa- AWWW  
turtletwink- AWWWW  
daaamnilton- Awwww  
turtletwink- so flipping cute  
lafayeet- :)  
ponyboy- ayyyy  
burrsir- You’re welcome

-burrsir has left the chat-


	2. #gaymess

angelicaaaa- So Laf, how are things with Wash??   
elizaaaaa- omfg yes are you guys official yet????   
andpeggy- Spill this tea  
daaamnilton- Aw hi Peggy  
turtletwink- ‘sup peggy  
andpeggy- Hey :)  
ponyboy- He hasn’t slept in the apartment in two days soooo ;))   
ponyboy- draw your own conclusions there  
andpeggy- Y’all are fucking already??   
angelicaaaa- Margarita fucking Schuyler  
lafayeet- You are the worst, Hercules  
lafayeet- And yes, things are great with mon George ;)   
andpeggy- H*ck off Angie  
elizaaaaa- I’d say ew but you two are so cute together I’ll let that slide  
turtletwink- Speaking of cute together  
turtletwink- Eliza when are you gonna put Maria in the chat???  
elizaaaaa- lol never, she doesn’t need to be exposed to this  
lafayeet- she needs to be part of this gay mess  
angelicaaaa- *ahem*  
ponyboy- some of us are actually straight frenchie  
burrsir- Indeed  
andpeggy- Embrace the gay mess!!!  
lafayeet- #gaymess  
turtletwink- #gaymess  
andpeggy- #gaymess  
daaamnilton- #GayMess  
burrsir- Why am I here again  
daaamnilton- You insisted on being in the chatroom where it happens  
angelicaaaa- Where what happens?  
turtletwink- everything  
ponyboy- come homeeee Laf, I miss you  
ponyboy- It’s weird not having you here eating all the cereal  
lafayeet- okay okay I’ll come home tonight  
ponyboy- You fucking better  
turtletwink- speaking of come home  
turtletwink- Alex come home asap I have a surprise  
lafayeet- ;)  
ponyboy- ;))  
elizaaaaa- ;)  
andpeggy- ;)  
turtletwink- NOT LIKE THAT YOU PERVS  
daaamnilton- I’ll be home soon babe  
lafayeet- Have fuuuuunnnn ;)


	3. Babies

turtletwink- GUYS WE HAVE BIG NEWS  
daaamnilton- Awhile ago we found a surrogate, we got a call from her last night and she’s officially 8 weeks pregnant!!!  
turtletwink- WE’RE GOING TO BE DADS!!!!   
elizaaaaa- OMFG THAT’S AMAZING I’M SO HAPPY FOR YOU TWO  
angelicaaaa- Congratulations!!!!   
lafayeet- CONGRATULATIONS MON AMIS!!!!  
ponyboy- YO THAT’S AMAZING  
burrsir- Aw congratulations guys  
andpeggy- HELL YEAH YOU’RE GOING TO BE DADS  
washingmachine- Congratulations Alex and John!  
daaamnilton- I haven’t been this happy since John and I got married  
turtletwink- :’)  
ponyboy- Y’all are so cute  
angelicaaaa- Whose sperm did you guys use?  
turtletwink- Mine :)  
andpeggy- awww you’re gonna have a baby John!!  
washingmachine- I’m so happy for you two :) you’re going to be great fathers  
daaamnilton- That means the world, Wash :’)  
turtletwink- we’re gonna be everything that our dads weren’t  
daaamnilton- Damn straight  
elizaaaaa- So. Flipping. Cute  
elizaaaaa- btw I’m gonna be the favorite auntie  
andpeggy- Heck no, Aunt Peggy is gonna be the favorite  
ponyboy- I’m making the baby some badass threads  
lafayeet- What’s the nursery theme??  
angelicaaaa- probably turtles tbh  
daaamnilton- No  
turtletwink- maybe  
ponyboy- Your kid is gonna have STYLE  
turtletwink- hell yeah!!   
lafayeet- I’m teaching the baby French  
daaamnilton- At least let him learn English first, Laf  
lafayeet- Your baby’s gonna be smart af  
daaamnilton- Of course, it’s my kid ;)   
angelicaaaa- I disagree  
elizaaaaa- Same  
burrsir- Same  
daaamnilton- Thanks guys  
washingmachine- You’re smart, son, you just don’t always use your brain  
turtletwink- tru  
daaamnilton- >:(   
lafayeet- We tease you because we love you Hammy <333  
daaamnilton- How did this go from a baby announcement to everyone roasting tf out of me?  
andpeggy- lmao  
ponyboy- #roastedham  
turtletwink- yo we’re really having a baby :) :) :)  
turtletwink- like holy shit we’re gonna be dads  
daaamnilton- Cutie pie  
angelicaaaa- You two need to celebrate  
daaamnilton- We’re about to ;)  
elizaaaaa- *vomit*  
washingmachine- Oh my word

-burrsir has left the chat-

lafayeet- Have fuuuuunnnn ;)  
angelicaaaa- STOP ENCOURAGING THEM LAF


	4. Peggy’s Birthday

andpeggy- Heyyyy guysss  
ponyboy- What’s up Peggy?   
ponyboy- ps happy birthday  
turtletwink- Oh yeah, happy 21st Peggy!   
andpeggy- T hankss guys  
daaamnilton- Based on your typing, I’m going to assume you’re intoxicated (ps happy birthday)  
andpeggy- were CELEBRATING lexi  
andpeggy- My roommate brought sum drinks home  
elizaaaaa- Wtf Peggy we were supposed to take you out for your first drinks  
andpeggy- C e l e b r a t e  
angelicaaaa- jfc Peggy, how drunk are you?  
andpeggy- Just drunk enough  
burrsir- Is no one going to talk about the fact that Peggy calls Hamilton Lexi?   
elizaaaaa- We all do  
angelicaaaa- Get with the program Burr  
andpeggy- Wheres laf  
ponyboy- Getting his ass destroyed by Washington  
angelicaaaa- What. The fuck  
turtletwink- D A M N  
daaamnilton- Hercules fucking Mulligan  
elizaaaaa- nope

-elizaaaaa has left the chat-

burrsir- That’s disgusting Hercules  
ponyboy- It’s true!  
andpeggy- we need more people in th chat  
burrsir- Done

-burrsir has added mrmacaroni to the chat-

mrmacaroni- What is this  
turtletwink- a fucking mess  
mrmacaroni- Besides the obvious  
andpeggy- It’s mah birthday  
mrmacaroni- Happy birthday Peggy  
angelicaaaa- Burr added you to the chat since Laf is... busy  
mrmacaroni- Doing what?  
daaamnilton- You don’t want to know  
ponyboy- Getting fucked by Washington  
angelicaaaa- HERCULES MULLIGAN  
mrmacaroni- Wait... what?!  
turtletwink- Laf and Wash are a thing  
ponyboy- And they have intercourse  
ponyboy- Frequently  
turtletwink- “Intercourse”  
mrmacaroni- Can I add James?   
andpeggy- Yasss we need more people in this party

-mrmacaroni has added madasahatter to the chat-

madasahatter- Thomas, what have you just added me to?  
turtletwink- Fuckery  
mrmacaroni- Jemmy are you aware that Washington is dating Lafayette???  
madasahatter- What the fuck  
ponyboy- They are  
turtletwink- It’s true  
daaamnilton- Yep  
angelicaaaa- Can confirm  
madasahatter- WHAT the fuck  
mrmacaroni- Ikr  
ponyboy- Washington slept over at our place a couple nights ago  
turtletwink- No way  
andpeggy- Spill this tea  
ponyboy- No real tea  
ponyboy- Except Wash really likes to cuddle and it’s adorable  
mrmacaroni- I don’t know what to do with this information  
madasahatter- Fun fact: Thomas really likes to cuddle too  
angelicaaaa- Awww how cute  
mrmacaroni- Do not reveal my secrets!  
andpeggy- MOAR SECRETS PLEASE  
madasahatter- He has multiple pairs of magenta underwear

-mrmacaroni has removed madasahatter from the chat-

daaamnilton- ..... do you really?

-mrmacaroni has left the chat-

andpeggy- best birthday ever


	5. The Couch Incident

ponyboy- MY EYES  
ponyboy- MY PURE FUCKING EYES  
daaamnilton- Herc, you are not “pure” in the slightest  
lafayeet- I’M SORRY OKAY  
ponyboy- YOU ARE THE FUCKING WORST  
angelicaaaa- wtf did you do now Laf  
lafayeet- NOTHING  
ponyboy- So I come home from the gym  
lafayeet- STOP  
ponyboy- Open the door  
ponyboy- AND LAFAYETTE IS GETTING FUCKED ON THE COUCH  
daaamnilton- Jesus  
ponyboy- JUST OUT THERE IN THE OPEN  
angelicaaaa- Why the couch?   
elizaaaaa- you couldn’t have gone to your room?   
turtletwink- GOD DAMN  
lafayeet- I’M SORRY OKAY  
lafayeet- You’ve already seen me naked before!! Half the people in this chat have  
turtletwink- lol tru  
daaamnilton- True  
ponyboy- I SAW WASHINGTON‘S DICK NOTHING IS GOING TO MAKE THIS OKAY  
washingmachine- I am very sorry that you had to see that Hercules  
daaamnilton- Holy shit  
washingmachine- Language, son  
daaamnilton- Not your son  
elizaaaaa- But seriously, why the couch?  
washingmachine- I was under the impression that we were going to be alone  
turtletwink- wait this was ur idea???  
washingmachine- Yes....  
turtletwink- DAMN  
turtletwink- wash is kinky af  
angelicaaaa- Dear lord  
lafayeet- Don’t kinkshame mon George!!  
washingmachine- What is “kinkshame”  
elizaaaaa- kinky george + kinky laf  
elizaaaaa- A match made in heaven really  
ponyboy- Or hell  
lafayeet- Herc’s just pissy because he’s going through a dry spell  
ponyboy- SHUT THE FUCK UP LAFAYETTE  
elizaaaaa- so is Angelica  
angelicaaaa- ELIZABETH SCHUYLER  
washingmachine- Maybe Hercules and Angelica should date?  
turtletwink- AWW MATCHMAKER WASH  
daaamnilton- I mean Laf and Wash got together because of the group chat and it worked out really well for them  
lafayeet- Yes it did <333   
ponyboy- ... would you like to go on a date, Angelica?  
angelicaaaa- ... sure :)  
ponyboy- Okay :)  
elizaaaaa- Cutie pies  
lafayeet- The apartment is all yours tonight ;)  
angelicaaaa- Excuse me French Fuck, I do not fuck on the first date  
angelicaaaa- I am a classy lady  
elizaaaaa- lmfao


	6. “the sex”

elizaaaaa- Angelica Schuyler  
angelicaaaa- What  
elizaaaaa- it’s been three days  
elizaaaaa- tell me about your date with herc already!!   
lafayeet- omg yes  
angelicaaaa- You couldn’t have texted me this privately?   
elizaaaaa- I did and you didn’t answer  
elizaaaaa- I’m texting you in the groupchat so you’re forced to answer  
daaamnilton- Ha  
turtletwink- you have no choice  
turtletwink- you must answer now  
angelicaaaa- Oh ffs, the date went fine  
angelicaaaa- Herc and I just aren’t into each other like that  
ponyboy- No hard feelings  
turtletwink- Boringggg   
ponyboy- Fuck off John  
lafayeet- John’s right tho this is boring  
lafayeet- let’s add some SPICE into this chat people  
elizaaaaa- Agreed  
daaamnilton- And how do you suggest we do that?  
elizaaaaa- Allow me  
elizaaaaa- Ang, I have noticed that you’ve been less pissy since your date ;)  
elizaaaaa- ;) ;) ;)  
lafayeet- Actually so has Herc  
lafayeet- OOOOHHHHH  
turtletwink- oh shit y’all  
ponyboy- nope

-ponyboy has left the chat-

-angelicaaaa has removed elizaaaaa from the chat-

-lafayeet has added elizaaaaa to the chat-

elizaaaaa- HA  
angelicaaaa- laf you fucking traitor  
turtletwink- Herc left you can spill the tea now ;)  
angelicaaaa- Shut it turtle boy  
lafayeet- The dry spells are over!  
daaamnilton- No need to be ashamed Ang. Nothing wrong with fucking on the first date  
angelicaaaa- I hate all of you  
lafayeet- was he good???  
elizaaaaa- OMG YES WAS HE  
angelicaaaa- Again  
angelicaaaa- I hate all of you  
lafayeet- He seems like he would be  
elizaaaaa- He has to be good or else you would still be as pissy as you were before you did the sex  
turtletwink- “the sex”

-angelicaaaa has left the chat-

daaamnilton- Now the world will never know how Hercules Mulligan is in bed  
turtletwink- Damn :(  
daaamnilton- As if he’d be better to you than me ;)  
elizaaaaa- Go fuck somewhere else will you  
turtletwink- Don’t mind if I do ;)

-turtletwink has left the chat-

-daaamnilton has left the chat-

elizaaaaa- Ew

-elizaaaaa has left the chat-


	7. Twinkpocolypse

elizaaaaa- Guys help, what should I get Maria for her birthday??  
daaamnilton- Aren’t you taking her out to dinner?  
washingmachine -Yes, Gil said you were eating out somewhere nice?  
elizaaaaa- Yes but I need to do more than that  
elizaaaaa- Oh we’re eating out alright ;)))  
turtletwink- lmfao  
ponyboy- ;))))  
angelicaaaa- fucking gross Eliza  
angelicaaaa- You’re my baby sister, I don’t need to think about that  
washingmachine- I don’t understand?   
lafayeet- Ayyyyy ;)  
elizaaaaa- Ayyyy ;)  
daaamnilton- Don’t ask  
angelicaaaa- You do not want to know  
elizaaaaa- But seriously what do I do  
turtletwink- You’ve mentioned Maria likes makeup, get her some really nice makeup  
lafayeet- Yas some Too Faced or something like that  
elizaaaaa- Maybe,,I don’t know if that’s enough though  
lafayeet- Some Chanel then  
elizaaaaa- Do I look that fucking rich to you frenchie  
angelicaaaa- I sense a Sephora trip coming up soon  
daaamnilton- It’s like $20 for a lipstick there how could that not be enough??  
ponyboy- More important, you and Maria have been dating for years, how do you not know how to shop for her by now?  
washingmachine- These are valid questions  
turtletwink- lmao savage wash ^^  
elizaaaaa- LISTEN OKAY I WANT TO WORSHIP THIS WOMAN BC I LOVE HER AND HER EX WAS A PIECE OF SHIT AND SHE DESERVES THE MF WORLD  
ponyboy- Aww Eliza the romantic  
turtletwink- That’s actually really cute ngl  
daaamnilton- Get a ring ;)  
elizaaaaa- And I’m not proposing to her on her birthday because that’s cliche  
elizaaaaa- I want to do it when she least expects it  
turtletwink- YO WHAT  
lafayeet- You’re really planning on proposing???  
elizaaaaa- Sometime soon, yes  
angelicaaaa- Why was I not the first to know about this????  
daaamnilton- I was joking but holy shit  
ponyboy- I’m the flower girl I called it  
elizaaaaa- Yeah I’ve been thinking and I decided last night, I want to propose sometime before the end of this year  
elizaaaaa- Of course you’re the flower girl Herc <3  
washingmachine- That’s cute :)  
elizaaaaa- Ang you already know you’re my maid of honor  
angelicaaaa- I’M FLATTERED BUT LIKE  
angelicaaaa- YOU’RE TOO YOUNG TO GET MARRIED YOU’RE LIKE 5  
angelicaaaa- YOU’RE MY BABY SISTWR  
daaamnilton- “sistwr”  
angelicaaaa- FUCK OFF ALEX I’M EMOTIONAL  
elizaaaaa- <3 love you sis  
turtletwink- Did you pick out a ring yet?  
elizaaaaa- not yet  
elizaaaaa- Laf I’m gonna need your help, you’re the only one whos good with this kinda stuff  
lafayeet- Of course mon ami  
ponyboy- My friends are preparing for weddings and babies and I just sat on my couch and ate Captain Crunch out the box this morning  
turtletwink- I know I’m one of the ones expecting a baby but that’s still a mood  
daaamnilton- ^^  
elizaaaaa- Calm your titties everyone I haven’t proposed yet  
ponyboy- My first lesbian wedding and I get to be the flower girl hell yeah  
elizaaaaa- For now can we pls focus on Mari’s birthday???  
angelicaaaa- Just get her the makeup and calm YOUR titties  
angelicaaaa- Pegs and I will go with you to pick out stuff on Thursday after work  
elizaaaaa- ok  
turtletwink- Can we bring the baby to the wedding???  
elizaaaaa- Sure  
ponyboy- I can have an assistant flower girl  
daaamnilton- I’m here for that ^^  
turtletwink- Same  
elizaaaaa- Same  
washingmachine- Does this mean you’re having a girl?  
lafayeet- omg yes, what’s the baby going to be??  
daaamnilton- It’s a secret   
ponyboy- nooo tell us   
turtletwink lol alex and i aren’t sayin SHIT  
lafayeet- TELL. US  
daaamnilton- ;)  
angelicaaaa- Man fuck you guys  
turtletwink- I’m too gay for that  
angelicaaaa- I’m aware twink  
turtletwink- That’s turtletwink to you, ma’am  
washingmachine- What is “twink”?   
elizaaaaa- LMFAO  
ponyboy- Nobody tell him  
washingmachine- No really what is it?  
daaamnilton- lmao  
angelicaaaa- Oh my god  
turtletwink- Oh man this is too good  
washingmachine- Fine, I’ll just Google it  
lafayeet- omg babe wait no  
daaamnilton- Sir, don’t  
elizaaaaa- THIS IS TOO FUCKING GOOD  
washingmachine- Oh my...

-washingmachine has left the chat-

angelicaaaa- We broke Wash  
lafayeet- Good job fuckers  
daaamnilton- How the fuck did this conversation even happen?


	8. Twinkpocolypse Aftermath

turtletwink- laf did gwash survive Twinkpocolypse?  
daaamnilton- Oh my god  
ponyboy- I’m kinda curious, did he?  
elizaaaaa- ^^  
lafayeet- Lol yeah he did  
angelicaaaa- What even happened?  
lafayeet- he told me he googled twink, came across a series of porn videos, and didn’t know how to react  
angelicaaaa- lmao  
lafayeet- And then we watched some of the videos together  
turtletwink- DAMN  
ponyboy- Christ  
turtletwink- Did he like them?  
daaamnilton- John, no  
daaamnilton- I do not need to think about the kind of porn my boss likes!  
angelicaaaa- ^^  
elizaaaaa- we all already know wayyy too much about the sex lives of the people in this chat anyway  
lafayeet- He liked some of them  
daaamnilton- Laf, no  
ponyboy- Good to know  
lafayeet- You’re welcome mon ami <3  
ponyboy- You’re the worst  
lafayeet- I know <3  
turtletwink- Would it make you feel better if we talked about straight ppl porn?  
angelicaaaa- I swear to god...  
ponyboy- yes actually  
elizaaaaa- Ang this is your time to shine!  
angelicaaaa- Elizabeth Gertrude Schuyler shut the fuck up  
elizaaaaa- This is a free fucking country Angelica  
daaamnilton- the laaaaaanddd of the freeeeeeeeee  
ponyboy- #patrioticham  
lafayeet- lol ur middle names gertrude  
elizaaaaa- shut the fuck up marie-joseph paul yves roch gilbert de motier, marquis de lafayette  
ponyboy- Oh shit Laf, she pulled your full name  
turtletwink- You’re in troubleeeee  
lafayeet- Y’all wish you had my name  
angelicaaaa- No, I don’t  
angelicaaa- Wtf does your passport even look like laf  
lafayeet- It looks sexy  
turtletwink- Like you ;)  
lafayeet- ;)  
turtletwink- ;)  
daaamnilton- All I’m gonna say is, I’m cool with a threesome but I don’t think George will like it  
elizaaaaa- ASDFKFKDKJ  
angelicaaaa- NO  
lafayeet- Non, Georgey would not like me fucking anyone who isn’t him  
angelicaaaa- ...... kms  
ponyboy- What happened to talking about straight people porn??  
lafayeet- Sorry  
lafayeet- Tits tits penis in vagina tits  
turtletwink- ^^ that more your speed Herc?  
ponyboy- yes thank you  
angelicaaaa- I hereby ban all porn from this chat and all future chats  
turtletwink- ur not my boss  
lafayeet- NEVER  
lafayeet- You can pry the porn from my cold, dead, French hands!  
elizaaaaa- Have some fun for once Angie  
daaamnilton- Like you did with Herc a few weeks ago ;)  
elizaaaaa- OOOOOOHHHHHHH  
turtletwink- ayyy ;)  
lafayeet- ayyyy ;)  
angelicaaaa- Alex, John calls you baby girl in bed, shut the fuck up about my sex life  
lafayeet- ASDHSVDJDKD WHAT  
turtletwink- How tf do you know that?  
elizaaaaa- GODDAMN  
ponyboy- No fucking way lmao  
angelicaaaa- When I stayed over back in March  
daaamnilton- WHY  
angelicaaaa- You two aren’t as quiet as you think  
ponyboy- This is gold  
daaamnilton- Stay gold, ponyboy  
ponyboy- I thought you were the twink John  
turtletwink- twink doesn’t always mean bottom ;)  
elizaaaaa- Does Alex have a daddy kink??  
angelicaaaa- Yup  
lafayeet- That’s to be expected  
turtletwink- Don’t kinkshame us  
elizaaaaa- Anything you’d like to add, baby girl?  
lafayeet- It’s okay Alex, I call George Daddy too  
daaamnilton- ....

-daaamnilton has left the chat-

-turtletwink has left the chat-

angelicaaaa- .....

-angelicaaaa has left the chat-


	9. Return of the Jefferson

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> People seem to like this so that gives me fuel to continue this self indulgent disaster lmao. Thanks to everyone who has commented/left kudos/read this at all!

mrmacaroni- I’m back bitches  
burrsir- Finally  
angelicaaaa- I forgot you were even here in the first place lmao  
turtletwink- ^^  
mrmacaroni- Thanks Angie  
elizaaaaa- Lol  
mrmacaroni- So what’d I miss?  
daaamnilton- Oh great...  
mrmacaroni- Don’t start with me Hamilton  
daaamnilton- Magenta Underwear Man is back!  
angelicaaaa- lmfao  
washingmachine- Be nice, Alexander  
mrmacaroni- Oh, Mr. Washington! I didn’t realize you were in this chat...  
ponyboy- #awkward  
washingmachine- It’s okay Thomas, you can relax, I’m one of the bros now I think  
lafayeet- oh my god george you awkward adorable man i love you so much  
ponyboy- You are definitely a bro Wash  
elizaaaaa- Yes, yes you are  
ponyboy- Wash is absolutely a Bro  
turtletwink- Bro George!!!!!!!  
washingmachine- I love you too Gil  
angelicaaaa- ^^ all my friends have the cutest relationships and I’m single af  
ponyboy- rt ^^  
burrsir- Same  
mrmacaroni- Speaking of that Ima add James

-mrmacaroni has added madasahatter to the chat-

mrmacaroni- Join the chat babe  
madasahatter- Why am I here?  
lafayeet- So all of us couples can make the singletons jealous ;)  
washingmachine- Be nice Gilbert  
angelicaaaa- Shut it French Fuck  
lafayeet- Neverrrr  
mrmacaroni- That’s actually exactly what we’re doing <333  
madasahatter- <3  
angelicaaaa- Shut it Fake French Fuck  
turtletwink- lmfaooo  
lafayeet- ASHDFJFJDSJ MOOD  
daaamnilton- I love you Ang  
angelicaaaa- Yeah I’m pretty amazing  
elizaaaaa- ^ I beg to differ  
washingmachine- Why must you all curse so much?  
ponyboy- lmaooo  
lafayeet- Georgey is not fond of cuss words mon amis  
madasahatter- True- he scolds Angelica and Hamilton for cursing at work all the time  
daaamnilton- Lmao true  
angelicaaaa- True  
elizaaaaa- Laf you curse just as much as everyone else in the chat, get off your high horse  
elizaaaaa- (and lock up your horse before Herc gets to it ;) )  
turtletwink- ASHDHSJDJFDFSK Y’ALL  
angelicaaaa- lmfao I can’t  
ponyboy- Rude  
ponyboy- I’d at least buy it dinner first!  
elizaaaaa- SKSKSKSJDFDGH  
washingmachine- I don’t understand?  
mrmacaroni- Holy shit  
daaamnilton- Lmfao this is too much  
lafayeet- Oh George knows how much I curse- he likes it ;)  
elizaaaaa- jfc  
angelicaaaa- NO  
daaamnilton- I FUCKING CAN’T  
burrsir- Well this is a complete shitshow  
mrmacaroni- I’m dead lmao  
turtletwink- Same tho Thomas  
madasahatter- Isn’t it awkward for like half of you since our boss is in the chat reading this??  
daaamnilton- George is one of the bros, Madison, we’ve been over this  
elizaaaaa- I don’t think Madison was there  
daaamnilton- Oh yeah  
turtletwink- but either way, wash is a bro  
washingmachine- I’m glad to be accepted into your group of bros, even though you all are way more vulgar than necessary  
turtletwink- we love you gwash <333  
lafayeet- rt ^^  
daaamnilton- ^^  
angelicaaaa- ^^  
washingmachine- RT?   
elizaaaaa- stands for retweet  
washingmachine- This is not twitter?  
lafayeet- Georgey you are the cutest human being alive i s2g


	10. Aaron Butt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: This chapter was inspired by me trying to type Burr’s name too fast and accidentally typing Butt instead

burrsir- ALEXANDER HAMILTON I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR BULLSHIT  
turtletwink- Oh my god  
angelicaaaa- What did he do now?  
elizaaaaa- ^^  
ponyboy- Alex you must have fucked up real bad to make Aaron Burr of all people flip out  
daaamnilton- FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME IT WAS A FUCKING ACCIDENT  
daaamnilton- DO YOU NOT KNOW WHAT TYPOS ARE, AARON? DO YOU??  
angelicaaaa- Okay seriously, what did you do Alex?  
burrsir- LET ME KNOW WHY YOU KEEP REFERRING TO ME AS “AARON BUTT” IN YOUR EMAILS  
lafayeet- Oh my fucking god  
turtletwink- LMFAO ALEX  
elizaaaaa- I’M ACTUALLY CRYING  
daaamnilton- THE R IS RIGHT NEXT TO THE T ON THE KEYBOARD YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE  
angelicaaaa- Aaron Butt, would you like to chime in here?  
ponyboy- jfc this is too much  
elizaaaaa- Angelica Catherine Schuyler you are an actual child  
burrsir- Don’t fucking start with me Angelica  
elizaaaaa- AY AARON BUTT  
elizaaaaa- YOU DON’T TALK TO MY FUCKING SISTER LIKE THAT  
ponyboy- Schuyler Defense Squad activated  
ponyboy- NOBODY disrespects our Ang  
turtletwink- ^^ Aaron Butt better watch his fucking step  
burrsir- I refuse to sit here and be called Aaron Butt by you assholes  
lafayeet- You are the worst, Burr  
lafayeet- **Butt

-burrsir has left the chat-

daaamnilton- It was an actual mistake the first time  
elizaaaaa- Lmao sure it was  
daaamnilton- It was!  
turtletwink- I believe it  
turtletwink- Your typing gets fucking tragic when you’ve been working for too long  
daaamnilton- >:(   
ponyboy- Between Angelica and Alex, Burr is never going to live this down at work  
daaamnilton- Good  
angelicaaaa- idfc, Burr disgusts me  
daaamnilton- Now we just need to work on getting the name Jeffershit to stick at work


	11. Washingmachine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We learn more about the washingmachine

ponyboy- Y’all won’t believe what I saw when I came home from work today  
daaamnilton- I’m afraid  
angelicaaaa- If it involves wash and laf having sex again I’m going to fucking lose it  
elizaaaaa- Oh god, please no more  
turtletwink- laf, stop traumatising herc  
lafayeet- Rude  
ponyboy- No, I walked into my apartment to find George freaking Washington jamming out to Ariana Grande  
angelicaaaa- What  
turtletwink- That is.. not what I was expecting  
daaamnilton- I mean, that could have gone a lot worse  
angelicaaaa- True  
lafayeet- She’s a good artist man don’t hate  
turtletwink- Laf I think you might officially be gayer than me  
washingmachine- Gilbert introduced me to her music and I thought she was good  
elizaaaaa- I mean she is, you’re just the last person I would expect to be into her  
washingmachine- You all think I’m an old man :(  
lafayeet- An adorable old man <333  
elizaaaaa- Aww no wash, you’re still a bro!  
turtletwink- There’s just a lot we don’t know about the washingmachine  
turtletwink- Eliza’s right, your still a bro  
daaamnilton- **YOU’RE  
turtletwink- ^^ I’m married to this man, this is what I live with  
daaamnilton- But yeah, we don’t know a lot about Wash except the tmi shit Laf so kindly tells us  
elizaaaaa- let’s learn stuff about wash that WON’T give us nightmares  
washingmachine- I really like to dance  
angelicaaaa- Holy shit   
washingmachine- Language, Angelica  
ponyboy- ngl the man has MOVES  
ponyboy- I saw him dancing to thank u next  
lafayeet- Fun fact, Georgey was on a dance team in college  
daaamnilton- Woah  
turtletwink- pics or it didn’t happen  
washingmachine- That’s where I got the nickname “washing machine”  
lafayeet- he’s cute asf  
washingmachine- Thank you Gil  
turtletwink- The washingmachine NEEDS to show off his dance moves at the shower  
daaamnilton- Agreed  
washingmachine- I suppose  
turtletwink- YEET  
lafayeet- That’s my thing, turtle boi  
elizaaaaa- When is the baby shower btw????  
daaamnilton- Baby’s due in January so mid-Decemberish, we’ll have a date later  
turtletwink- EVERYONE is invited bc fuck gender roles  
ponyboy- rt ^^  
angelicaaaa- also ffs tell us the gender already  
washingmachine- Taht will be helpful to know  
turtletwink- but then it won’t b a surprise!!  
lafayeet- John is right fuck gender roles I’m buying this baby a dress and a tuxedo onesie no matter what  
turtletwink- yassss Laf  
elizaaaaa- I’m so impatient I want to be holding this baby now  
daaamnilton- Same  
turtletwink- Same  
angelicaaaa- Eliza you work in a daycare center you hold babies all day  
elizaaaaa- Shhhhh this is different  
ponyboy- Just a quick update for y’all: Laf and Wash are back at it and now singing along to Ariana

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My life now consists of me writing whatever stupid shit I find funny and then giggling hysterically at it  
> I don’t know how the hell I got the idea of George Washington liking Ariana Grande in my head but I love it and I refuse to apologize for it


	12. And Peggy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More trash

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow this is trash and wow I haven’t updated in forever. college and life have been kicking my ass. enjoy!

turtletwink- Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to formally annnounce that I have married a dumbass  
angelicaaaa- It took you this long to realize?  
ponyboy- No shit  
andpeggy- We been knew  
washingmachine- Wjat did my son do now?  
daaamnilton- I’MNOTYOURSON  
lafayeet- I love how Alex gets more offended by Wash calling him son than everyone else calling him a dumbass  
elizaaaaa- that’s because he already knows he’s a dumbass  
ponyboy- But fr what did Alex do now?  
turtletwink- We had our surrogate over for dinner and Alex thought it would be a wonderful idea to offer her a glass of wine  
daaamnilton- I was trying to be polite damnit  
turtletwink- And then didn’t understand why she kept refusing  
angelicaaaa- goddamnit Alex  
daaamnilton- So I forgot!   
elizaaaaa- How exactly do you forget that pregnant women can’t drink?  
daaamnilton- I don’t have a vagina  
elizaaaaa- (anymore ;))  
daaamnilton- You’re the worst  
daaamnilton- Just to clarify, I have not ever had a vagina in my life  
lafayeet- pics or it didn’t happen  
elizaaaaa- “Just to clarify, I have not ever had a vagina in my life”- Alexander James Hamilton  
ponyboy- Laf, sweetie, no  
angelicaaaa- Laf wtf  
andpeggy- Daaaamn Laf thirstin  
washingmachine- Gilbert, why?  
lafayeet- It’s a joke babe  
andpeggy- God I’m so glad to be back to this mess  
ponyboy- yeah pegs, why have you been gone?  
andpeggy- I’m a busy af college student who doesn’t have time for shenanigans  
turtletwink- “shenanigans”  
andpeggy- not my fault I got the brains of the family  
angelicaaaa- Excuse me  
andpeggy- I said what I said  
angelicaaaa- I’m a fucking lawyer you little shit  
daaamnilton- me too eyyyy  
elizaaaaa- Not everything is about you Alex  
washingmachine- Don’t be selfish Alex  
lafayeet- LMFAO  
elizaaaaa- Washingdad said NOPE  
angelicaaaa- Wash always has my back bc he likes me best :)  
lafayeet- u wot m8  
washingmachine- Can you all go longer than 5 minutes without fighting about something?  
turtletwink- lol nope  
angelicaaaa- Nope  
daaamnilton- Lol neverrr  
washingmachine- -_-  
andpeggy- So fucking good to be back


	13. They Were Roommates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A surprise guest joins the chat

lafayeet- [image attached]  
lafayeet- [image attached]  
lafayeet- [image attached]  
lafayeet- [image attached]  
lafayeet- [image attached]  
lafayeet- what do u guys think????  
angelicaaaa- yes laf you’ve hijacked wash’s place with your decorating now if you don’t mind some of us are trying to fucking sleep  
lafayeet- I don’t appreciate your attitude  
angelicaaaa- fuck you  
lafayeet- Just for that  
lafayeet- [image attached]  
turtletwink- NO MORE  
daaamnilton- Laf you know John needs his beauty sleep  
lafayeet- Why cant you people be happy for me? I’m moving in with my love  
elizaaaaa- We’ll be happy for you at a reasonable hour of the day  
ponyboy- Where’s Wash btw  
lafayeet- Sleeping  
elizaaaaa- lucky him >:(  
ponyboy- [image attached]  
ponyboy- the apartment feels naked without laf’s decor  
lafayeet- You’re breaking mon heart <\3  
turtletwink- Top 10 Saddest Anime Deaths  
angelicaaaa- No one’s dying though???  
turtletwink- Death of the Mullette Apartment  
daaamnilton- I still can’t get over the fact that we decided your ship name is “Mullette”  
washingmachine- I guess getting some sleep this morning was too much to ask?  
lafayeet- nice job fuckers you woke Georgey  
angelicaaaa- Don’t start with us french bread this is your fault  
daaamnilton- Btw Herc, when do we get to meet your new roommate?  
ponyboy- he’s not actually moving in for a few days but I can add him  
turtletwink- omg do it

-ponyboy has added kinggeorge to the chat-

ponyboy- My friends want to meet you lol  
kinggeorge- lol hi  
daaamnilton- sup  
elizaaaaa- Hi!  
washingmachine- George  
kinggeorge- George  
angelicaaaa- You guys know each other?  
kinggeorge- Your George used to work at my law firm  
daaamnilton- Damn the plot thickens  
washingmachine- It’s not your law firm, you didn’t start it  
kinggeorge- I inherrited it  
washingmachine- So it’s not youes  
washingmachine- My law firm is actually mine because I started it myself  
kinggeorge- Don’t be salty cause you couldn’t cut it here  
turtletwink- OH SHIT Y’ALL  
elizaaaaa- DON’T YOU DARE INTERRUPT THIS JOHN  
washingmachine- Excuse me?  
lafayeet- OKAY BITCH YOU DO NOT INSULT MON GEORGE LIKE THIS  
kinggeorge- And you are?  
lafayeet- Your worst gay nightmare  
lafayeet- Now as I was saying  
lafayeet- YOU DO NOT FUCK WIT MY BOYFRIEND LIKE THIS  
turtletwink- George Washington is a treasured bro in this groupchat and you will respect him damnit  
elizaaaaa- Yes respect the groupchat dad  
washingmachine- I am not a dad  
kinggeorge- Ugh  
daaamnilton- This motherfucker is really what broke up Mullette?  
kinggeorge- I do not look forward to any of you coming over

-kinggeorge has left the chat-

ponyboy- damnit guys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i decided to make this the last chapter and finish this work. my mental health has been really poor in general lately and i’ve been struggling to come back to this fic. i’m extremely critical of myself and my writing and i feel like i’m out of good ideas for this fic, like if i continued it would get boring and just bad. i’m still going to keep writing, but i think this is the best place to end this. thank you so much to everyone who supported this work, it means so much to me.


End file.
